Sweet day out

We had the usual objections. “I don’t care about Lollibop,” said Jonah. “I know what it’ll be and I’m not bothered.”

To be fair to him, I knew it wouldn’t be his scene, but then, anything that doesn’t involve Pokemon at the moment isn’t his scene, but with a little coaxing and some resolute ignoring of a fledgling tantrum, we coaxed him out the house and along to Queen Elizabeth Park, better known as that place where the Olympics were held.

There was disaster en route. The tow path is narrow and bumpy and Tom and me, with Ava on the back, were on bikes. But Jonah prefers to scoot. He hit a stone and came off apace, injuring opposite knee and elbow. Frustrated, we waited till the tears had subsided before stopping at a narrow boat that was advertising ice creams. It seemed as good a place as any to mop up the remaining blood and let him recuperate for the last leg of the journey.

We sidled through the press entrance and were met with instantaneous colourful chaos from all angles. Within minutes Jonah was saying he was bored. But we persevered through the toddlers arena, looking for Katie from I Can Cook, who was due to appear on the Lollibop Kitchen stage within twenty minutes.

With stealth and determination we found seats near the front, and after said offspring had been fed and watered, they grew restless from waiting, and Katie’s efforts on stage – a heavily pregnant song and dance routine where not a crumb was cooked, failed to grab Jonah’s attention.

I left Ava and Tom to watch the poor preggo Katie do her blancmange routine while Jonah and I headed off to the Discovery Centre where Jonah was given a challenge card by Science Museum reps, and sent to perform various experiments, using mirrors, corn flour and sticky back plastic. It was a winning combination.

The Science Museum’s knowledgeable and patient staff gave individual attention to all the kids regardless of the crowds, and Jonah felt more in his comfort zone surrounded by fellow tweens rather than the barrage of buggies that met him on arrival.

Afterwards, we were waylaid by Titan the Robot, dancing outside the tent, followed by the National Geographic tent complete with a Sims style computer game, only it was animals with whom Jonah could play god, which kept him entertained for a full twenty minutes while I basked in the sun that had finally crept out after a dubiously cloudy morning.

In the meantime, Tom and Ava had had their fill of Mr Tumble’s performance on the main stage and had headed back to find us. But in the throng of pushchairs,  my cynicism hit full throttle. We made our way through a buggy jam of yummies and beleaguered looking dads, to the sound of Justin Fletcher (anyone with a one year old plus will have a good idea who I mean) telling his toddling audience to reach for the sky, whilst being bombarded by marketing efforts on all sides. Parents modelled bad behaviour as they pushed and shoved for the free cereals, snack bars, sticky cakes and yoghurts being thrust upon is by chirpy promo types, and the whole thing began to feel like a captured experiential advertising event where parents were paying to be product guinea pigs.

To be fair, the products they were pushing were pretty good. Fruit yoyo manufacturer Bear has started producing a multigrain cereal sweetened with coconut flower nectar, which has subsequently gone down a storm  among my fussy breakfast eaters; I’ve lapped up the rather too grown up Chobani bio yoghurts they were practically throwing away by the end of the day, but the disgustingly sweet Barney Bear snacks that have been launched with a £4m campaign to widen the nation’s youths’ waistlines were rejected by my two who found the packet cakes’ sugar laden interiors too much, and the spares that didn’t get eaten have since been left to languish at the bottom of our newly installed kitchen cupboards.

But the feeling of being marketed to hit a zenith in the Skylander’s Zone, where Jonah  was offered the chance to test a new range of games available only on an XBox 360, which will no doubt be the next demand: Father Christmas says ‘no.’

Ava’s dance and Jonah’s reaction 

He loved it however, and I got over my anti-advertising principles (I work as an ad copywriter so I have exactly zero legs to stand on,) and the rest off the day, complete with crafts (Ava printed a scarf, they both decorated paper windmills), photo ops( (Ava met Hello Kitty and Sean the sheep, while Jonah did welly wanging) and dance classes  (Ava did ballet, I did yoga) meant we had a ball, with next to no meltdowns – except the one that happened just before bedtime, and that was all me.

There was something for everyone, just as promised. But for all that, the highlight of the day for everyone was rolling down the hill on the Lollibop Promenade.

Me rolling down a hill (and swearing)