Time to let go of the guilt: new research into hormonal causes of autism in boys finally puts my mind at rest

So according to new research by Professor Baron Cohen at the University of Cambridge, autism in boys is linked to higher testosterone exposure in the womb, particularly during weeks 15 and 16 or pregnancy, a crucial time for fetal brain development.

Although higher testosterone levels are linked to the stress hormone cortisol, this very specific time frame for the development of non-genetic autism biomarkers puts me in the clear, as far as the stress I was under as I rushed to buy a house only to have money stolen by unscrupulous estate agents toward the end of my pregnancy. It means I don’t have to worry about the long term effects of getting tipsy before I knew I was pregnant in the very earliest weeks, and I can disregard the steroids I rubbed into myself in my last week when as mysterious rash began to fire up on my whole body as it geared up for birth. It even, to a certain extent, allays my fears the amount of antibiotics I swallowed during my teens and twenties causing a gut flora imbalance that still has consequences for my well-being today.

I know longer have to quiz myself as to why I succumbed to a very early second MMR vaccine before Jonah’s third birthday, when there was a measles outbreak in our area, and despite a bad reaction to this vaccine – a high temperature and so on – it has been categorically proven that vaccines are not linked to autism, so that’s something I can retrieve from the dark bit at the back of my mind and place firmly in the filed section.

In weeks 15 and 16 of Jonah’s pregnancy, I was sunning myself on holiday in Portugal, as relaxed as I ever could have been, eating ice cream and drinking tomato juice rather than downing gin and tonics and generally scoffing salad and grilled fish and soaking up vitamin D.

The hormonal imbalance does, however, perhaps explain why I was horny as hell, and slightly more antagonistic than usual for most of the duration of my pregnancy.

The things is, with ASD, is no matter how many experts tell you that there’s nothing you could of done to prevent your child from displaying ASD behaviour, you never quite believe them. At least, as far as my pregnancy is concerned, I can at last rest easy that it wasn’t my fault.

I still blame feeding on demand for six testing months however, for some of Jonah’s more demanding behaviour, but that’s a whole other guilt ridden story.