Miscarriage of justice – how modern living contributes to pregnancy failure – and what we can do about it.

Losing a baby in the first 12 weeks is, to any medical professional, entirely normal. In fact, you’re almost as likely to as not, with as many as one in five babies lost in the first trimester, many women never knowing they were pregnant in the first place – which is why your personal heartbreak may not be taken too seriously by anyone in the medical field: it’s almost viewed as “just one of those things.” 

From where I’m standing, it feels like modern living might have much to answer for as to why so many pregnancies fail to last beyond the first few weeks. Perhaps it’s modern society’s inability to nurture mothers when they are at their biological peak – my first baby survived the excesses of not knowing I was pregnant for several weeks, perhaps simply by virtue of the fact I was young and otherwise healthy – I realise this may be contentious, but it stands at least to reason. The older you are, the likelier it is you are under more stress one way or another, whether it be through having other children, or more responsibility at work, or simply because health – and fertility – tends to decline as one gets older, although it’s rarely as clear cut as that. But perhaps it’s modern society’s failure to protect unborn babies when they’re at their most vulnerable (i.e. in the first 12 weeks) that’s also to blame.

Trying for a baby has for so long not been considered to be a priority of anyone except perhaps the people trying for that baby, so society offers little grace to those that are, which is perhaps a symptom of an overpopulated world. And its because of this we’ve hardened our hearts towards those who do get round to replacing themselves.

Within a working environment, there is little understanding for those who are in the early weeks of pregnancy, despite, for many women, parts of the first 12 weeks being physically, the hardest bit of the whole process. It seems there is still a sense that, until you cross the magic threshold of the first trimester, a baby might still not come to pass- and so women in the first trimester are supposed to keep calm and carry on as normal, despite, often feeling sick as a dog and with the energy levels of a sack of flour.

It’s not uncommon for women these days to feel bound by the weird expectation that they are not really supposed to flag up their pregnancy to their colleagues and managers, or even friends, until that baby is considered medically viable – i.e. after the first twelve weeks – for all sorts of reasons, from protecting the woman in question from potentially losing her job for one, but also because there is a sense that you might be jinxing the pregnancy if you tell too many people.

It seems counter-productive that many women are indeed too scared to let HR know their situation until they are 100 per cent convinced it’s definitely going to happen, and even then many women will delay letting management know for as long as possible afterwards to avoid feeling like they are being written out of the picture at work before this needs to be the case. It seems to me, in a rich society such as ours, women need far more protection from the brutal market realities of the workforce and markets that drive them if they are to be able to nurture the next generation in the most crucial stage of their development – i.e. the first 12 weeks. For many women, this simply is not allowed to happen because of forces beyond their control that mean many have to try to carry on as normal as if it isn’t happening at all.

My sister, head of HR for a multinational blue chip, has an inordinately stressful  job, pushing the company line of “continuous improvement” while setting the worse possible example to her colleagues by working ridiculously inhumane hours, is a prime example of the sort of culture we as a society have created. This week, she had the heartbreaking experience of losing her baby at 11 weeks  (yes, I’m going to call it that because in any parents’ eyes who wants a baby, a foetus is a baby from the moment they know they have conceived regardless of the biological fact of its developmental stage). She is fairly sanguine about it, admiting to not being a particularly wholesome greenhouse for her foetus: recognising that a toxic combination of work stress, new house stress and family stress may have played their part, although she’s less keen to consider her age (35, which for many women seems bang on schedule but is, historically, not that young), diet (modern) and all the other factors of everyday life which incrementally add up to health, or the lack thereof, and therefore a viable baby – might have also contributed. And she still can’t see why enforcing the idea of enforcing “continuous improvement” might be ridiculous and counterproductive! 

I admit to not being particularly helpful in curbing my sister’s stress – we had a row about money – a nasty, bitter row over inheritance and the fact that she and mum bought a house together without giving me all the facts, the sort of row that only big stakes can generate. I’m pissed off to the degree I was willing to be annoyed with my sister about this despite her pregnancy, it all having come to light at much the same time. It won’t be the reason it ended, but I doubt a family feud at this stage of the process helped. In fact, I almost expected this outcome, so doomish did I feel about the whole episode. For this (although not for being angry) I am eternally sorry.

In some ways, this life cut short has perhaps given us an opportunity to make amends. But it has proved, when all is said and done, that money is the root of all evil, and in this case – and in many cases of financial and employment pressure in the working world too – it has perhaps been a driver of the worst possible outcome.

For this reason, I believe that women need more protection from the ruthless reality of the market, and ultimately money, and our need for it, that drives many of us all to need to have our babies later, and places us under increased stress while having them – for, ultimately, we are less capable of competing in a market economy while we are both pregnant and for some time afterwards, but by placing our well-being in the hands of business for whom there is no profit in the immediate needs of the next generation, we might simply end up failing to have one. If you are a mother, or wish to be, this should be a good reason for not voting Conservative.

Even if you are politically apathetic, workplaces and society more generally need to recognise that a healthy society is one in which we all prosper, and even – indeed especially –  the tiniest and most vulnerable, whatever our starting place in life.