Devices were stealing my kids’ childhoods. Why banning screens has given them back

It was a feeling rumbling along in the background for a while. An annoyance that would occasionally erupt into anger over a head bent too long, a response too slow or vacant response and yet another “hang on, I’ve just got to finish this game.”

Screens are convenient – they keep the kids busy, quiet and occupied (and tidy!). They give them some downtime, teach them useful IT skills and sometimes, prevent family arguments. But over time, my excuses for allowing them were mounting up – including my own addiction to a scrolling newfeed, and online interactions – often so much more fulfilling them those taking place in actual life – when it was quite obvious they had major downsides too.

Ava was increasingly hiding under her bed watching episode after episode of Stampy or Spongebob, hardly speaking to us at all. Jonah was addicted – if it wasn’t to Minecraft, then it ws clash of clans or latterly, Pokemon Go- which to be fair did have the finge benefit of making him more enthusiastic about going for a walk. But neither child was playing (not how I remember childhood games) and quite often, when I lost my rag, and told them to put down their devices, it elicted an increasingly explosive response.

With pressure from choosing secondary schools, exams and increasing amounts of homework, I began to see the devices as the biggest distraction my kids have to getting on in life, for all they may go on forge careers in East London’s burgeoning tech industry. 

But going on their tablets was becoming their default when they returned home from school, and their preference over almost every other activity. And with children on the autism spectrum, it can be hard enough pursuading to try things other than what they are obsessed with, without the added compulsion of  dopamine-inducing, push notification updating games.

Enough was enough. But what on earth could induce my computer-addled offspring to give up their screens? Well, the only thing more motivating than dopamine is cold hard cash – so I bribed them – £100 a piece if they gave up their screens for a month, rising to £500 if they did it till Christmas. Yes, it’s a lot of money to throw away, but breaking a habit is hard, and it’s got to be worth it if they turn their attention to other things, like school work and activities. And it wasn’t going to be easy. 

Ava simply burst into tears when she realised it was an offer she couldn’t refuse, much how I feel about paid employment in general. Jonah was less reluctant – he’s a mercenary at heart, which actually relieves me in many respects- being motived by cash means he’s much more likely to stay on a path less wonky. And like any behavioural techniques, positive reinforcement is far more effective than punitive measures. He duly went away and made a calendar countdown to when he would get his screens back, and has been diligently crossing the dates off with as much fervour as he opens his advent calendar. 

So, now we’re half way through the first month, how’s it going? Well, neither of them has demanded their devices – tucked away in a high cupboard – although we didn’t ban telly, feeling that modern life places so many demands on all of us, that we all needed a mindless activity to chill out in front of. It means we still get a weekend lie-in (and rather than sitting on their own with their device, they watch Spongebob together with the dog) and we can still watch programmes (mainly Bake Off) together as a family. 

Certainly we’ve seen much more of each other. I’ve been induced to a few games of Pokemon cards, which have replaced the solo Pokemon battles Jonah had been obsessed with, a great risk of being mugged for our expensive iPhones) at the local ‘gym’. And they’ve got a bit more use out if some if the Christmas presents that have been gathering dust- the keyboard’s been played. The hexbugs have been let loose. Ava’s even started reading in the mornings now I’ve finally had it with Spongebob’s hysteria inducing laugh.  

And it’s had wider implications too. Jonah’s friends (and their parents) have all been largely supportive of this new initiative, and at the weekends, instead of going round a mate’s and hidingin their  room playing on screens while the adults chat and drink, we’ve taken to meeting at the local pub and playing cards as a group – which is much more socialble and feels more wholesome than the escapism we all previously sought from one another.

And it’s here where I feel a video game hiatus has come at the right time. As a parent of younger children, I did feel I needed a break from the incessant demands of parenting – and with little other recourse in these socially devided times, where friends and family are often too scattered and busy toprovide regular   respite, devices do help provide a much – needed break. But now the kids are getting older, and we all have a little more time to ourselves, screens become more devisive and isolating- separating those who are doing certain games from those who don’t-  although in other ways this can help bring people together. We had a lovely evening recently with friends who are all doing Pokemon  – except that, because I refuse to play it most of the time, I ended up back on Facebook, which is my own little addiction I’ve been struggling to keep under control. And, like anything, it’s hard for kids (and adults alike) not to do what’s normal for their peer group for too long. 

In all, it’s so far been a success – for all it’s meant more clearing up for me when they decide to turn their bedroom into an indoor den when they’re bored. But I really hope the kids recognise the postives and when they do get their screesn back (after all, they need to be able to make their own choices in life- although choice is a very spurious concept- they will have broken some of the bad habits of screen addiction and picked up some more life enhancing ones – like getting together in a mixed group of grown ups and kids to play a game we all understand. But whether or not I can induce them to continue it up till Christmas, I suspect it’s more than my pockets, and their will power can stand.