Guns don’t kill people, idiots do

I’d been planning to write a whimsical piece about our beautiful family holiday but I saw this about a kids getting suspended for carrying a toy gun in my Twitter feed this morning so I thought I’d write about guns instead.

Like most people, I could say a lot about American gun laws, but it’s pointless, so I won’t. However, what I will say is that parents need to chill the fuck out about boys being boys (and girls, for that matter).

My first introduction to weapons happened at Jonah’s induction to state nursery. Previously, darling Jonah had been to a private nursery, solely hanging out with wealthyish kids whose parents could chuck cash at Montessori values. This was the first morning he spent at the local state nursery which offered half day childcare courtesy of the Government, and has a broader social mix. Back then, we were a bit daunted – both Tom and I are products of the state, but rather than an inner city primary, we both we had a suburban, C of E , rolling playing fields, daisy chain and handstands, autumn days when the grass is jeweled kinda education. Our childrens’ school, the best in the neighbourhood, where property prices mushroom around it and Government officials visit with film crews on a regular basis, nonetheless offers, in OFSTEAD speak, a high proportion of free school meals. To be frank, we were snobs, and let’s face it, we weren’t assessing the school so much as the other kids and their parents.

Two kids were making guns out of Stickle Bricks, pointing and shooting each other (I recoil even now, at myself more than anything). Tom and I flashed each other a look which can only be described as middle class anxiety. We discussed it later, fervently, reconsidering our application to the local private school.

Yes, alright, I hold my hands up in shame. I was one of *those* parents. I’m only talking about it to try and prevent others from being such dicks.

It was a complete overreaction. Since time immemorial boys, girls, kids, have been making toy weapons, be it bow, peashooter or bazooka and pretending to kill people. If they see adults doing something, or watch it on the telly, be it a cop film or cartoon, they will mimic it. It’s kinda funny. If you DISALLOW it, as a parent or caregiver, you WILL make your child obsess about it. Pursed lipped parenting does no one any favours.

Jonah has this mate, Alfie. He’s a livewire, all rippling boy muscle and bubble blowing cheek. He used to come to the duplex with a pocket arsenal on a regular basis and I would tut and puff about it, particularly when he would point his weapons at my face and tell me he’d  “blown my guts up.” Within moments, Jonah would be joining in.

It took a while, but I swiftly realised that you could only beat it by joining/ignoring it, so after firing a few play rounds of my own and dying gratuitously several times, I left them to it, and they swiftly found a less gruesome pastime.

Once we were over our initial snobbery, the school and its inhabitants turned out to be just fine. Jonah hasn’t metamorphosed into a gang member or even picked up much street slang – but then he’s only just about to hit juniors. And although he was a punchy’ toddler, he never turned into a particularly aggressive child, despite relaxing our rules on play weaponry – both he and Ava now own a Nerf gun, like most if his classmates. We occasionally flash a glance of concern when Jonah  makes idle threats to ‘blow his school up’ but if you quiz him further on his malicious intent, he only rolls his eyes at us and tells us, ‘it’s only pretend.’

I guess gun culture probably does seem a bit more pretend in England, even in London, than it does in the States, but to me, suspending a kindergartner for carrying ‘a lego sized gun’ seems to be part of the problem, not the solution.